contemplation

My mindset has changed a great deal since even this time last year. I used to think about things that didn’t need to be thought about in my everyday life. I seemed to have lost this. I am not sure if it is depression, or a kind of depression that specifically targets intellectual whimsy, I am not sure. I have had to make do with the weekly grind of teaching and surviving, and I definitely have a different relationship to intellectual work in that it is mostly teaching-based thinking, so maybe this is partially the cause. I know I am not happy with the situation. Contemplation is an action affronted by my practical resignation to the tasks at hand. I guess I am learning the hard way the I need to fight for contemplation. It doesn’t just happen, even though it seemed to come naturally to me in the past. I need to figure out ways to encourage this disposition to return. Maybe this is like in mathematics where you do your best work in your mid-20s, but I don’t think so.

I also saw Hancock, and while in the cinema I broke a tooth eating unpopped popcorn. I have 12 days until I see the dentist and it hurts. The movie was terrible; all the best bits of the preview featured in the film as youtube clips representing Hancock’s exploits. Using diegetic peri-texts to make a flash, or at least mildly-interesting, preview is a new low for filmmakers to suck in cinema-goers. Breaking my tooth was the best thing about the movie.

2 thoughts on “contemplation”

  1. That’s terrible about your tooth! And about Hancock.

    Perhaps I have the opposite problem to you: right now I endlessly contemplate things, esp dwelling miserably on situations I have little control over, yet I feel at sea when it comes to getting things done. eg: I had months to write an essay, it tortured my thoughts all that time, and yet I found it incredibly hard and ended up doing several all-nighters to finish it.

  2. mel, shhh… [but isn’t this your secret super power? that capacity to contemplate the everyday while living it?]

    I miss the torture of wayward thoughts and really appreciate the gracious freedom they gave to my thinking

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