Fail Fail: Multiplicities of Fail

So I have incorporated too much internet geek-speak into my everyday vocabulary. I understand it is an attempt to speak in a variation of language different to that I am exposed to in the office while being able to express the difference and make sense. If I spoke in high-Deleuzian then it wouldn’t have the same impact. Sometimes it helps me think through things, too. I have been thinking a lot about fail.
A fail is a stuff up. You’d imagine in a dialectic of fail, then a win would be the direct opposite. A win would be when something goes right. The dialectic of win/fail is suitable for the sloganeer-captioned demotivationals, as the discursive punchline to a visual joke, but not for the multiplicity of fail that we encounter everyday. I joked on my facebook profile update that I should have done a PhD in fail as it would have better prepared me for the real world. Although comical, it wasn’t really a joke.
I just realised that I need to make a decision. Real change only occurs when you realise you have failed at failing. A fail in the common argot is a stuff up of monumental proportions involving embarrassing or unfortunate circumstances. There are many other minor fails when something goes wrong, however. These minor fails are not fails as such, there has not been a failure as such, merely another turn of events that have not worked out as well as they possibly could. For example, getting stuck in traffic because of someone else’s fail (car accident), is not a fail because as a Sydney driver I expect the possibility of a traffic jam in the conditions of possibility for driving. The fail of the traffic jam is precisely what I should expect to happen, so I’d argue that even though I’d call it a fail, it is not really a fail as such.
On the other hand, there are real fails and not just the humorous demotivational kind. These are when you fail at failing. The regular way to understand a fail is if something has not worked out as well as it possibly could and one way to understand it is in terms of fulfilling the expected conditions of possibility for whatever had to work out. There is another fail, bigger and smaller at the same time, subjacent to the fail, a kind of meta-fail. This is a failure of expectation that allows one to cope with the possible outcomes of a course of events. The actual event of the fail punctures something in your perception of whatever is happening and what fails is not so much the course of events fulfilling possible experience, but the conditions of possibility that give the events their fail consistency.
The fail fail is something else, it provides an opportunity to reconfigure the expectations by which the conditions of possible experience are given their sensible consistency. Fail or win, when the fail fails, it means you can reconfigure how your relate to events and whether or not they are actually fails or wins.
All this has come to the fore because I just realised that I need to make a decision. Real change only occurs when you realise you have failed at failing. That even though something may not have turned out exactly how I expected, it may not have been the course of events that fail to live up to expectations and rather it are my expectations that fail to live up to the course of events. I have been busy seeing how these events will play out, rolling the dice and upping the ante at every opportunity, but I don’t think things have worked out. Simply sublimating events as fail is too easy. I need to make a decision that is worthy of my fail.