Giving Conference Papers and all that jazz

So the CSAA conference is in a few days. I think I might start writing my paper again (3rd time lucky!). Who is going? Who will be at Prefix? Hurrah!

Yes. Yes. After all the online grumpiness I think it is time for a few soothing ales. Do I hear any seconders?

Has anyone else ever had the problem where they could write and argue so many different things that they feel stumped, or, worse, that everything they write is crap? Everything I write just feels so animated-swiss-cheese holey! My problem is that whenever I attempt to directly elucidate what I have been concerned with in my research it sounds like self-absorbed rubbish. That is one problem…

…but on a related problem I need to work on my “comedian’s face”, I think, so I never lose character when presenting a paper having thoughts like, “Fuck this shit is rubbish.” I had that problem at the blogging conference of a while back. I thought what I was saying was rubbish as I was saying it and I fell to bits in front of the conference crowd. (Although, as a sidenote, I wish I had read McKenzie Wark’s book before giving that paper!!)

I can’t quite figure out if it is a confidence/nihilist thing or if it is actually because I think it is crap. I don’t think it is a confidence thing, because I know I know my stuff. Self confidence and confidence in what you are saying are two separate things though. I have plenty of self confidence, lol! If I think I am saying total bullshit, even though I know it back to front, then that is a problem. But it isn’t bullshit as much as it is the stifling feeling that I should clarify and express the limits to my statements/arguments as I am saying them. I have a feeling I am letting my pomo nihilist side of me come out in these situations where all I can think is how meaningless it all is in the big c(ha)osmic scheme of things, but how on a pathetically humanist Glen-in-the-world level it is all probably important to have a cogent not-so-pomo idea in your head.