Successful Paper

I am very pleased with my performance delivering a seminar paper ealier today. Hmm, it is 3:30am at the moment, so 12 hours ago!

It is the first time giving such papers over the last 4 years that I felt:

  • Entirely comfortable with the material. I was discussing literally one sixth of a chapter with introductory summaries of preceding elements necessary for the argument of the particular section in question. I know this stuff back to front. I love its complexities.
  • Very confident in my ability to deliver a good paper. Here I do not (only;) mean the quality of my paper, but I mean the ability to deliver my paper in an approriate way for an academic setting.
  • Capable of dealing with my stuttering and blocks. I know I am going to stutter in some moments. I accept it. I work with it, within the moment. (I can sense it happening, on the fringe, I breathe slowly, in control. I let the words escape from my mouth, rather than forcing them. I anticipate when it is going to happen, on certain words or sounds [‘modified’]. I relax. I let it happen. I remember that no one knows this stuff as well as I do. It is over, half a second. The word is said before I say it.)